Working with 'mom brain' — Episode 7 of Building a Coaching Business in Motherhood

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Gillian Bennett: Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Building a Coaching Business in Motherhood podcast.

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Gillian Bennett: I’m Gillian, and this is the second episode in this tiny little mini-series that I put together where last episode we talked about strategy, and how to think a little bit more about your strategy and your business, especially when you’re a mom, you have limited capacity and limited time.

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Gillian Bennett: And today, we are going to talk a little bit more about focus and distraction, because strategy, yes, very necessary for us to have a successful business.

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Gillian Bennett: But without focus, or with too much distraction, the strategy is just a good idea without a lot of follow-through. And focus in motherhood is not the same as focus when you do not have kids.

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Gillian Bennett: Or when you are well-rested, when your brain is not split into a million pieces because you constantly have your child kind of running in the background of, like, are they okay?

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Gillian Bennett: And we’re gonna talk about this because, yes, strategy is necessary for a successful business, but without focus, your strategy is just a good idea without follow-through. And focus in motherhood is not the same as focus when you do not have children. So, let’s get into it.

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Gillian Bennett: Something I realized when I became a mother is that my brain never fully disconnects from my child.

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Gillian Bennett: It’s like, all of a sudden, I grew this, like, separate compartment in my brain that is just labeled child, and he’s always on my mind. And I know that there are genuine changes that happen to your brain, and, like, the gray matter of your brain when you have a baby.

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Gillian Bennett: And I, you know, I don’t know if this is the… is this… if this is because of that, but…

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Gillian Bennett: I think if you’re a mother, you get that, like, your brain literally changes. The way that you think about things changes after you have a child. And then when you add that to sleep that is sort of, like, inconsistent, you’re overstimulated, you have time that is either highly limited, or you can’t really predict when you’re gonna have time to work.

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Gillian Bennett: And then you’re also trying to navigate all the different stages of

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Gillian Bennett: raising this child. And then, of course, focus is a lot more challenging. It’s also really easy to get distracted when you don’t have clarity on what you need to do, or you’re lacking trust in your ability to do those things. And so in the last episode, I talked a lot about the importance of having clarity on your strategy, and a little bit of

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Gillian Bennett: How to create more of that clarity?

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Gillian Bennett: And I like to call that Big F focus.

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Gillian Bennett: So, strategy is like, I am big F focused, right? But, if you’re lacking little F focus, which is sort of the day-to-day follow-through on a task, being able to carry things to completion, being able to break down tasks into doable pieces, then you sort of end up just being stuck looking at the bigger picture without being able to move yourself closer to that bigger picture.

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Gillian Bennett: So, a couple things that I want to make sure that we talk about today. Specifically, well, how do you improve your focus and reduce distractions so that you actually can build a coaching business that you’re proud of in motherhood? And the first thing is, if you have not downloaded the strategy audit that I shared in the last episode.

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Gillian Bennett: That is going to offer so much clarity on where your big F focus might be lacking, and it’s going to give you an idea of the areas that might need the most

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Gillian Bennett: Awareness for you, and the most definition as far as your strategy.

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Gillian Bennett: But then, we also need to understand our distraction patterns. What is it that actually drives a lack of focus? And I think of this sort of split between internal and external, right? So, on the internal side, it might be that you’re confused on your tasks, whether it’s, I don’t actually know how to complete this thing, or I’m not sure which text to start with, but

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Gillian Bennett: it often happens that we’re like, okay, here are all the shoulds of the things that I have to do, but I don’t know what is more important. I don’t know how to do this task, I don’t know if I’ve thought about it in the right way, and so we end up doubting ourselves, and it’s often easier to just, like, scroll on social media for quote-unquote inspiration, right? Which then, like, internally, that also leads to a ton of comparison.

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Gillian Bennett: We are stuck being like, well, this person is farther along, or this person seems to have it all figured out, or, you know, this person seems to be making millions on 3 hours a week.

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Gillian Bennett: Which…

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Gillian Bennett: not very helpful. Like, maybe they are making millions on 3 hours a week, but that isn’t necessarily helpful for your ability to focus. There’s also perfectionism and feeling like things aren’t worth doing unless they’re done well, which I completely disagree with.

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Gillian Bennett: You might have competing ideas.

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Gillian Bennett: That often happens, again, when we are consuming too much content without intention, where you’re like, that sounds like a good idea, this sounds like a good idea, and that’s very much tied also to a lack of self-trust, of you not being able to trust in, this is the right direction for me in my business. And I think

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Gillian Bennett: Sometimes that happens when you work with a business coach or a mentor that doesn’t really listen to you and your needs, and maybe just sort of, like, tries to make you

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Gillian Bennett: lean into their strategy.

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Gillian Bennett: That’s…

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Gillian Bennett: one of the things that drives me absolutely up the wall as far as business coaching is concerned is, what is going to work for one person’s business is not necessarily going to work for another person’s. And I think there are so many business coaches out there that, like, sell you a program that’s, you know.

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Gillian Bennett: They’re asking you for thousands and thousands of dollars, but they’re not helping you build the self-trust to make the decisions that you need for your business.

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Gillian Bennett: And then also internally, I think a huge one, especially for mothers, is like, we’re just fucking tired.

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Gillian Bennett: And being tired, When you couple it with all of these other internal things that are happening.

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Gillian Bennett: It does make it so hard to focus.

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Gillian Bennett: Right? And so, yes, we need to increase our self-trust, we need to be clear on our tasks, we need to figure out how to, if we are comparing, that it’s helpful comparison and not unhelpful comparison, but we also need to recognize that, like, sometimes you’re just freakin’ tired, and so we need to lower

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Gillian Bennett: The standard, because it may be something that you just can’t reach today, and that’s not a problem unless you make it a problem.

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Gillian Bennett: But then there’s the external side of a lack of focus. Social media use has so much to do with this, and I mention this a little bit because I think it bridges the gap between internal and external, is who you’re following or taking advice from. So, who are the inputs that are coming into your brain and starting to guide your thoughts?

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Gillian Bennett: Because you can control that. You can mute or unfollow people within your feed that maybe aren’t truly helpful for helping you trust yourself more in your business.

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Gillian Bennett: And you can limit the social media usage that you have, you can stop listening to podcasts that don’t feel helpful for you. But we also need to look at, as far as focus is concerned, your working environment. So, are you trying to sit down

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Gillian Bennett: And you can see in your direct eyesight the sink full of dishes, or your kids’ toys all over the place. And sometimes we just need to spend some of our precious time, like, creating a little bit of an environment that feels more conducive to focus.

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Gillian Bennett: But then externally to that are also, you know, your family’s needs, the demands that you have on your time, how you are actually managing your tasks. Sometimes our task management tools end up being

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Gillian Bennett: Even more… like, even more of a driver of a lack of focus, because we’ve got some tasks over here and some tasks over there, and, you know, we have this never-ending list of to-dos without actually having a way to organize it in a way that fits our needs.

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Gillian Bennett: And I think so much of both the internal and external struggles with focus come down to knowing your capacity.

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Gillian Bennett: Of course I’m going to struggle to focus if I’ve set unrealistic goals for what I can actually get done during nap time.

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Gillian Bennett: Maybe I’m gonna spend half of that time debating over what I should do first, or if, you know, doing part of it is okay, or if I can do part of it tomorrow. Maybe I’m just gonna end up feeling like nothing is ever good enough, and so it’s going to lead to me getting distracted.

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Gillian Bennett: Again, all of this starts from, like, the top down of, do you know the direction that you’re headed?

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Gillian Bennett: But capacity is so important, because when I mentor coaches, one of the first things that we actually discuss, and I asked this in one of my onboarding, exercises, is.

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Gillian Bennett: what is your capacity like? What affects your capacity? So if you’re dealing with a kid that’s struggling with sleep, your capacity is going to be different than if you’ve got a kid that sleeps through the night.

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Gillian Bennett: If you have reliable childcare, that is going to be different than if you’re trying to get the things done that you need to get done when your kid is playing independently, or they’re napping, or they’re at school.

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Gillian Bennett: And we also need to be clear on what tasks feel like they take a lot of your capacity versus the tasks that feel like they flow a lot easier. Because ultimately, we want to be able to work with our brains to make it easier to focus, even when the environment around us might be challenging.

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Gillian Bennett: And we want to understand what drives our lack of focus, and that’s why I talk about the internal and the external, is because we want a little bit of awareness on what is actually affecting our focus.

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Gillian Bennett: And so I want to give a couple things that might be helpful for you to consider, because if you keep getting distracted in your work, whether it’s procrastinating on things that you feel like you should be doing, or whether it’s jumping from one shiny thing to another with this hope of, like, this is gonna be the thing that’s gonna fix my business in a week, even though we know that’s not how it works.

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Gillian Bennett: We need to actually step back and look at, how do I support my focus?

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Gillian Bennett: So, I want you to consider this.

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Gillian Bennett: Is the struggle more with big F focus, so, like, the overarching strategy or the bird’s eye view, or is it with little F focus, right? So, do you have an idea of your strategy, but you struggle to get the things done in a day? Or is it that because your strategy is a little bit nebulous.

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Gillian Bennett: That’s why you’re never really sure what you should be focused on?

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Gillian Bennett: So, bringing a little bit of clarity to that can be so helpful, because that gives you an idea of where to start, right? We also want to ask, what affects your focus? So, in your day-to-day, when you are trying to focus on a task, what actually affects that focus? Is it ambient noise? Is it tiredness? Is it, you know, hunger? Is it crap, I don’t know what we’re eating for lunch?

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Gillian Bennett: What is it that actually affects your focus?

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Gillian Bennett: And what is within your control versus not within your control, right? What’s not within your control is, for example, like, your kids’ nap times. Like, how long they actually nap. But what is within your control is the tasks that you actually put on your plate every single day, for example.

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Gillian Bennett: I think it’s helpful to ask, how do I make myself a more inviting, or at least slightly less chaotic work environment? Whether that is, like, can I just clear off a tiny little space that just faces the wall, instead of, like, sitting at my kitchen island looking at, like, the mess of my kitchen?

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Gillian Bennett: You might also want to ask, like, do I just need to put in earplugs so that ambient noise doesn’t get in the way? Like, that can make such a difference in turning a 20-minute

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Gillian Bennett: Block of work into something productive versus something where you’re constantly losing focus the whole time.

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Gillian Bennett: Another big piece of this, and I’ve said this earlier in this episode, and I think it’s worth repeating, is

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Gillian Bennett: be really careful about what experts you take advice from. Like, choose, don’t just, like, try to take in the firehose of information. Ideally.

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Gillian Bennett: the people that you’re taking advice from are someone who actually knows you, knows your capacity, knows your business, but I know that sometimes financially.

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Gillian Bennett: We’re not in a position for personal support, or maybe you invested in personal support, maybe you invested in a mentor or coach, and it feels terrifying to invest again, because the last mentor or the coach didn’t actually get you the result that they promised.

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Gillian Bennett: I understand that that feels scary, I have… wow, I have been there.

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Gillian Bennett: And so, I want to say, if mentorship or coaching isn’t an option, one of the things that can be super helpful is to just mute or unfollow

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Gillian Bennett: All, except the people that truly resonate the most with you and are actually helping you trust yourself more in your business, not the people that are giving information that makes you doubt yourself constantly.

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Gillian Bennett: I also want to encourage you to actively decide what you are not doing.

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Gillian Bennett: When you are trying to do everything, so posting just to get something out there, you know, writing a newsletter because someone said you need long-form content, being on stories every single day, even when you can’t think of what to talk about, creating a low-ticket offer because someone was like, that’s what you need.

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Gillian Bennett: when you’re trying to do all of those things while also trying to be the kind of mother that you want to be, of course it’s challenging to focus. Of course your monkey brain hops in. So give yourself space

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Gillian Bennett: to actually actively decide what to stop doing. Because you definitely can have a successful coaching business doing a hell of a lot less, as long as it is intentional, and you know where it is taking you.

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Gillian Bennett: So, all of that to say, the last piece of thing… the last piece of thing, the last piece of advice I want to offer you is to give yourself 5 minutes to do my strategy audit.

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Gillian Bennett: It’s linked in the show notes, and it’s gonna give you a little bit more clarity on if it’s the big F focus that you’re missing, or the little F focus that you need to work on, and it’s going to give you a little bit of guidance as far as, like, wait, okay, so where do I go from here?

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Gillian Bennett: Thank you for being here, thank you for listening. If you’re not following this podcast yet, make sure you follow so that you don’t miss an episode. If you download the Strategy Audit, you will be added to my email list that you can always unsubscribe from. Completely understand if you want to do that. What I will do is I send you one email a week that has the podcast episode, so easy access there.

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Gillian Bennett: And most weeks, I will also send you one other email that is a bit more behind the scenes, whether it’s insight into my strategy, or how I’m doing something, or just, like, a real thing that’s happening in motherhood or in my business.

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Gillian Bennett: So… Thank you.

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Gillian Bennett: I will talk to you very soon.